What’s Important Here?

What happens when you’re not happy with your finances, and yet you’re doing all the right things – meditations, being focused on feeling better, taking inspired actions?

I sat down and pondered this one day, and I came up with some surprising and rather alarming insights.

The summer started with all kinds of good intentions and anticipation for what was coming: I had just purchased my own home and I had income opportunities. But then I found myself not doing what I had set out to do and as time went by I got to a point that had me a bit panicked. The bills outweighed the income, and it seemed as if the hole was too deep to even consider getting out of. I had a teaspoon and needed a steam shovel.

Sitting in Silence for some days because I knew this was the thing to do, even though it seemed like Action in the form of finding a job was what was needed opened my eyes to a pattern long followed.
I have many times decided that I wanted to do something, found a way to learn how to do it while getting paid for it and was really excited about it. What habitually occurred next was high-detail gigs that no one else wanted due to the amount of work involved. After a few of these projects – which were well received and highly praised – I lost motivation because it took so much work and my ideal time line was way off base. It was taking twice or three times longer to get these projects done. And since it was taking so long, finding something else to support me meant that I would be working 24 hrs a day.

I also had a deep attachment to these projects and wasn’t ready to let them go for something easier.

Which led me to realize that while I was upping the bar on the work done, I wasn’t upping the bar on the compensation for my time!
I found myself avoiding the very thing I had wanted because it was not nourishing me in the way desired.

As this may sound very discouraging, I realized that, unless I faced this and observed what was going on in my psyche, I was going to keep repeating this pattern. And let me tell you, I am tired of it! 

The home I purchased was fully furnished and the asking price was ridiculously low. I spent more money than planned because the electric wiring had to be entirely replaced. And as I sat looking around, I saw so many things that needed to be fixed. My thought was that I wouldn’t do these repairs because I would most likely not see any return on them, and wanted to save any monies for a better place.

Do you know what that actually means?

I made Money more important than Me.

I wanted to create a schedule to finish more projects and support myself in the way I had envisioned at the start of the summer.
I told myself sternly that I had to buckle down and get these done so I could pay my bills AND eat AND have cat food.

 

I made Money more important than Me.

Do we rail against ourselves when we go out to dinner and scold ourselves because that money won’t be returned to us?
How many things do we buy that don’t have a resale value? Electricity, food, clothing.

Why would I want to make myself live in a situation that I found distasteful, for any reason?
Am I not more important than Money?

I don’t know if I will make the repairs or fix anything, but the knowledge that it is for ME and I deserve to treat myself well is a huge relief and a great shift in thinking.

Are YOU more important than Money?
Are you willingly causing yourself to suffer because you don’t think you deserve to live or thrive instead of merely surviving?