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July 13, 2012

We all go through periods of learning our boundaries. As children we learn where we are in relation to the physical world and our parents. We learn what the boundaries are for our actions.
Later on we learn how to relate to people other than our families, and what the boundaries are for those relationships.
Later still we learn more boundaries – personal, business, values. While all of us experience these lessons, we don’t go through them on the same time schedule. Patty may learn her personal boundaries in high school, while Jerry learns them when he gets his first job. Sasha learns some in high school, more in the workplace, but the majority during her 2nd marriage.
It’s OK to learn at different life stages. Those who have learned their boundaries at an earlier time can help us by example – which is a really great learning tool. We can help those who are going through something we’ve already gone through.
Which is really interesting, because when you’re helping someone sort this out for themselves, you tend to think about where your boundaries are and why you created them. Things may have changed greatly in your life, and the events and people that caused you to create those boundaries may not be in your life at all any more. Including old belief systems.

I have been visiting this topic on a daily basis of late. What I say during my work day is becoming more and more of what I say if I wasn’t clocked in. What I think about is becoming more and more aligned and consistent in all areas of my life.

People can have different rules for boundaries depending on where they are and what they’re doing. It works for them. They enjoy the bits and pieces and they’re happy with it. It’s like tapas for them.
I prefer to be consistent. I like a seamless flow. Hopping from one thing to another without a steady theme makes me feel scattered and lonely.

Are you allowing yourself to learn at your own pace, not judging how you ‘stack up’ against others?
Are you open with your learning curve so you can give and take advice and encouragement?

That’s a good boundary to establish!
Give yourself a break and let your timelines be your friend.

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